my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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