They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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