omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
