I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
