Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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