she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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