omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
