I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
