Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
