I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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