we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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