Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
