You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
