We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
