I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
