pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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