I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
