He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
