don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
