What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
