Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
