Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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