Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Enjoy the penises
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
