halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
