did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
