She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
