If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
