I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
