I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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