In America we eat man semen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
