he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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