nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
