i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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