Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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