pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm both gender and math confused
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
