Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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