Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
