I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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