I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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