I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
jump out the window naked night went bad
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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