ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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