I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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