I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
