I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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