so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
