i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
