Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
