the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
