I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
