WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
